Quote# 43005

Since terrorists are already covered, by popular demand I sent my crack research team to find out what they can about liberals.

FUN FACTS ABOUT LIBERALS

* Liberals hate people who are not open minded. Open minded is defined as thinking just like they think (otherwise you're evil).

* The major diet of the liberal is tofu and granola. This makes them weak and easy to pick up and throw.

* Liberals love to spend other people's money. If you see a liberal, it's okay to take his money because it probably wasn't his anyway.

* Liberals have an irrational fear of firearms. If you want to scare a liberal, point a gun at him.

* The whine of the North American liberal can often be mistaken for the sound of a screech owl. The main difference is that the liberal's whine will also have a nauseating effect.

* Liberals love socialism and want to socialize all businesses. If you see a liberal coming towards your business, throw a stick at him before he can socialize it.

* Liberals tend to congregate on college campuses as it is a safe haven for their idiotic ideas, protecting them from scrutiny. Thus, avoid college at all costs.

* Liberals are invulnerable to reason and logic. They are vulnerable to firearms, knives, and the bitch slap.

* Liberals hate America and love more oppressed people... like evil dictators.

* Much like the duck, it's illegal to shoot a liberal who is floating in a lake.

* Liberals will try to entice you with their twisted logic. If that doesn't work, they'll bite you.

* Hanging a picture of Ronald Reagan over your door will keep liberals from entering.

* Liberals come in two main varieties: intellectual and mental patient. You can only distinguish between the two by noting whether their jacket has sleeves.

* If you see a fuel-efficient car, it's probably being driven by a liberal. Run it off the road with your SUV.

* Liberals are always trying to save the environment because they are apparently dependent on it. If you want to kill all liberals, destroy the environment.

* Even if you satisfy liberals? demands, they'll come up with new thing to complain about that you could never even imagine; they?re just that creative. That creativity is put towards much better use as forced labor in a coal mine.

* Liberals are always whining about tolerance, but, when I punch them for that, they get moody. Hey, be tolerant!

* You can tell if someone is a liberal by extracting some blood and seeing if it reacts violently to fire.

* Sorry, that previous item is how you find out if someone is the Thing. It's a good thing to check for that too, though.

* Some liberals still think Communism is good. I guess we should threaten them with nuclear missiles just like we did the Soviets.

* In a fight between Aquaman and liberals, liberals would have Aquaman fined for disturbing the habitat of endangered fish. He would then sulk about it to the great annoyance of the Aquawife.

* Liberals like to sympathize with terrorists. Keep them away from Gitmo, or there will be nothing but sympathizing.

* I've heard vicious rumors that liberals also like the French, but that might just be slander against liberals.

Frank J, IMAO - Know Thy Enemy: Liberals 108 Comments [7/17/2008 8:11:28 AM]
Fundie Index: 11
Submitted By: Scion

Quote# 43053

However, there is evidence the Earth is still and the sun goes around it. Experimentas with water-filled telescopes provides evidence that the sun goes around the Earth.

NephilimFree, Youtube 63 Comments [7/17/2008 7:42:16 AM]
Fundie Index: 12
Submitted By: Sweatytoothmadman

Quote# 43007

I guess there have always been homosexual clergymen who kept it secret, but that's no answer. The Bible, no matter how questionable, is the guideline, so at least clergy should try to abide by it. Homosexuality, whilst common and certainly trendy, is unnatural and once man starts reckoning that he's bigger than God himself and can start changing the rules to suit, we're on a slippery slope. It's all foretold anyway, only this time the big pox clean up is fire not flood - and not long away.

Nigel Clark, BBC News | Have Your Say 26 Comments [7/17/2008 7:35:34 AM]
Fundie Index: 4
Submitted By: Doctor Fishcake

Quote# 43015

" Originally Posted by kgreen20
Not only that, the armies fighting the Battle of Armageddon will turn their weapons on Jesus and try to attack Him! How insane is that??"



Really! Talk about strong delusion. To know you are battling Jesus Christ and God and still go out thinking you can defeat Him....this has to be delusion, insanity just doesn't work here, not strong enough.

Caver, RaptureReady 33 Comments [7/17/2008 7:35:03 AM]
Fundie Index: 3

Quote# 43027

About five or six years ago, our middle daughter was having stomach problems, so we took her to the doctor. He ordered XRays, two sets of them, and she had a calcified mass in her upper right quadrant, I googled it and for her age, it had to be a neuroblastoma (cancer). The doctor scheduled a CT scan for one week later. We weren't saved yet, but we spent that week praying, and I put prayer requests at every church website I could find, and every Christian message board, and the day after the CT scan the doctor called, and I'll never forget how surprised and puzzled he sounded, he said "it's gone, it just disappeared." We started going to church after that, and got saved several months later.

I googled around and found some of those old prayer requests, they're still out there on some web sites.

tygerkittn, RaptureReady 29 Comments [7/17/2008 7:32:32 AM]
Fundie Index: 7

Quote# 43020

[Question: "Why when christians get sick they see a doctor instead of asking god to cure them?"]

Answer: bcuz god is bussy sum times with move importent things. right now this very second that im typing this.... about 789,355 christians r sick and god cnt cure all them so they c a docter

Heather H, Yahoo Answers 58 Comments [7/17/2008 7:32:16 AM]
Fundie Index: 9
Submitted By: Lola

Quote# 43016

[No.
Muhammad was so brave that he had to send an assassin in the middle of the night to murder a defenceless woman while her children were sleeping beside her.

*SPIT*]

Yes, and the woman was assassinated At least he spared her children

The Infamous, FFI 16 Comments [7/17/2008 7:28:52 AM]
Fundie Index: 5
Submitted By: ixolite

Quote# 43013

[Is oral sex really sex?]

Oral sex is sex and can pass sexually transmitted diseases.

This is a leading cause of oral and throat cancers in young people today.

TST, Teen Straight Talk 41 Comments [7/17/2008 5:06:06 AM]
Fundie Index: -3
Submitted By: Amanduh

Quote# 43030

I was at my youngest son's t-ball game this evening, (Homeschoolers for Christ Athletics), and even though every one around me is a "Christian" they seem to be going forward as if NOTHING is going on.

I could hear people talking about the vacations they are planning or have already taken. I heard people talking about buying new cars or a new bigger house. I kept thinking, "Are these people for real?" I'm starting to think it's a Christian group of WOF'ers. Are they oblivious to what is going on around them? I would have thought they would be talking about Jesus coming soon, preparing for the hard times we could be facing, or down-sizing.

It's amazing.

denny272, RaptureReady 40 Comments [7/17/2008 5:00:40 AM]
Fundie Index: 1

Quote# 43011

[From FAQs: What happens if you get fingered and start to bleed?]

This could definitely mean that the hymen has been broken ~ in other words, she has lost her virginity to a finger.

Her future husband has been cheated and so has she.

Please let her know that we are here for her. Please tell her to visit our website and to view and print The Lady's Pledge. If she has any questions about the Pledge please have her contact us.

Please stress to her that she should be checked by a doctor.

Please tell her to stay away from any type of sexual activity because sexual activity and behavior of any type outside the boundaries of marriage will cause damage to her physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and socially.

TST, Teen Straight Talk 49 Comments [7/17/2008 4:57:23 AM]
Fundie Index: 9
Submitted By: Amanduh

Quote# 42989

[On boycotting the olympics]

The Olympic Games are yet another one. Given China’s abysmal human rights record of persecution, no thanks. I cannot understand why any athlete would want to compete there. An example of how our athletes’ are not allowed to share their faith is they can only bring along their own bible (no more for distribution) and must keep it in their room.

Roland Hermann, Cyclingnews letters 37 Comments [7/17/2008 4:49:40 AM]
Fundie Index: 5
Submitted By:

Quote# 42953

[On the poorly phrased question "What would happen if someone could mathematically proof that evolution was made by God?"]

there is no evolution . Can you tell me why only monkeys made it? Why didn't my cat Rosy become a human being?I know that monkey stuff is the most that smells like humans. So why doesn't another spicy evaluated for example dogs and became the doggy being? Why it's only limited in monikers and during a limited period?if the god doesn't exist 1+1 will never be 2 it would be for example 3 but in this case you know that there is 1 that must be uncounted because this 1 has no producer and he can't just get into this equality like that by himself. it's known that the origin of this life is a big bomb cause by gases but from where do the first electron of the first atom ion this gas come from?

kurta cobain, Yahoo! Answers 48 Comments [7/17/2008 3:53:02 AM]
Fundie Index: 9
Submitted By: Feynmaniac

Quote# 42995

"Freedom of speech is a wonderful thing but it is abused by non Christians and Pagans. Non Christians and Pagans should not have freedom of speech."

Bob, topix 54 Comments [7/17/2008 3:45:06 AM]
Fundie Index: 8
Submitted By: Malkavian Jeff

Quote# 43067

If you were walking down a street and a dog start to talk to you would you be freaking out?

If I was Eve. Snake came up to me. I'll be freaking out. Eve wasn't afraid of any talking animal. Probably cause those animals was normal talking.

LoneWolf1984, deviantART 41 Comments [7/17/2008 3:15:52 AM]
Fundie Index: 5

Quote# 42978

Do kids or Teenagers Go to Hell?????????
this always bugs me when i think of this, to think of a young kid or teenager between the ages of 13-17 going to hell. so im just wondering, from a christians point of view, no matter what kids do at these ages, and what kind of way they die in, do they go to hell? what does it say in the bible about kids or teenagers going to hell?

(Now for the kind Christian response. Apparently 4 year olds burn in hell)

Yes, if they die without having believed the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

The Bible offers NO age of accountability, in other words, no person can show any verse in the Bible that says "you must be X years old to be accountable". The Gospel is understandable by four year olds.

The Gospel of Jesus Christ: The truth is that the only way to be saved and to get into heaven and avoid being sent to eternal hell is by believing that Jesus, who is God, died for our sins on the cross and rose again (1 Corinthians 15:1-4). Believe this and you are saved!

Please pray now: "Jesus, please forgive me of my sins. I believe that You died on the cross for my sins and You rose again. Thank You for eternal life!" You will be in heaven with Him forever when you die :)

Chris, Yahoo Answers 31 Comments [7/17/2008 3:13:12 AM]
Fundie Index: 3
Submitted By: FundieFinder

Quote# 43046

A creationist and an evolutionist arrived at this scene from opposite directions.

The creationist exclaimed "Look! A young vehicle which was created recently crashed into this tree which also had a creator".

The evolutionist laughed and scoffingly replied "You foolish religious fanatic. I am educated and trained to study this type of thing. It is obvious that this vehicle has evolved over long periods of time from a common ancestor. It must have evolved far away and long ago. Then over long periods of time, an ice age occurred which formed a glacier which slowly pushed this vehicle to this very spot. Then also over a long period of time, the ice melted and the grass grew and this tree slowly grew up and slowly crushed the front end of the vehicle."

"But" said the creationist, "the engine is still hot and steaming, and there is also grass growing underneath the car. It couldn't grow in the shade".

"There must be something else that is generating the heat after all these years" said the evolutionist. "And the grass is an unconformity. Some other process must have more recently moved the grass underneath the car. We will study that later".

"How about this owner's manual I found in the glove compartment?" the creationist continued. "It is from the car's creator and tells how to operate and maintain the vehicle".

The evolutionist continued making his notes and said "Oh that was written long ago by ignorant people who don't know anything about science".

And so the very next day all of the news media reported the evolutionist's version as fact and without question:

"Yesterday, a scientist discovered a vehicle that is an ancient ancestor to all modern vehicles. It was dragged nearly 200 miles from the north to its current position by a glacier formed during the last ice age. It is in remarkably good shape considering how old it is, but has been damaged slowly over the years by a tree growing up in front of it.
And now for the weather..."

And the evolutionists write the books that are used in the schools to teach young minds how the universe really works.

Unknown, Missing Universe Museum 62 Comments [7/17/2008 3:10:31 AM]
Fundie Index: 9
Submitted By: Larty

Quote# 42976

(In response to question "So, before my daughter died, I had about equal portions of atheist and Christian friends. Who do you think showed themselves to be the most supportive?")

Crazy Fundie answer: "Could be either, but if it was the atheists it is the devil's deception to try to pull you into something that will put you in real bondage. I realize that many times Christians don't come thru when you need them the most but there are times when they do if they are sure the Lord is leading them."

Maars, Yahoo Answers 26 Comments [7/17/2008 3:07:09 AM]
Fundie Index: 2

Quote# 43006

I'd love to meet just one nice Jewish woman. It seems today, though very sad to say, most girls, let alone Jews have embraces all the lies of Liberalism, which is very depressing.... Most just don't get it. One would think people would look at the situation of every country on Earth especially Europe, Russia, Cuba ect. and say....something is mortally wrong with Liberalism...but nope...off to the bars with their booze, drugs, make-up leaving their underwear at home.... it is so tragic. Spengler was absolutely correct when he wrote his monumental work "The Decline of the West"..... I wish all Jews and righteous Gentiles the best of luck. "To find one good woman today is comparable to searching for a diamond in a toilet"-Dr. S. Sussman

MarZutra, JTF.org 34 Comments [7/17/2008 3:07:05 AM]
Fundie Index: 5
Submitted By: ixolite

Quote# 42987

(The topic was, how you really could tell God was working in your life?)

For 21 years I have been a deplorable house keeper. I'm not going to go into detail, but suffice it to say, it was BAD. It wasn't the kind of thing where 2we'd invite someone in and say, "Forgive the mess." in other words. hehe We just didn't invite anyone in. Last month, after reading Proverbs 31, I've not been able to sleep unless the dishes were done and the counter cleaned! I've been up at 4am throwing dishes in the dishwasher and scrubbing the counter and stovetop! hehe Every room in my house is now clean, including behind the refrigerator, washer and dryer and stove, under the couch and loveseat, the closets and pantry, ALL the bedrooms... it's a COMPLETE miracle!

I was ALWAYS coming up with an excuse why I couldn't clean: I didn't feel well, I had a headache, I was too tired, I was cramping, etc... God HAD to intervene for our house to be clean! I tried for YEARS to overcome my lazy attitude toward house cleaning, I'd work really hard for about a week, clean the whole house top to bottom, then just give up and it would go right back to the same ol' routine. It wasn't ME that could change me, only by God's power!

NOTHING could convince me that there is no God or that Jesus is not Lord!

In His love,

My Abba's Child, RaptureReady 36 Comments [7/17/2008 2:58:49 AM]
Fundie Index: 3
Submitted By: FundieFinder

Quote# 42985

[About this comic:]


The difference between atheists and theists is on the "why" not the "how". Religious people know full well that scattered light causes the sky to appear blue, in fact, theistic scientists originally came up with the idea. A fairer, more logical cartoon would have the Atheist dad replying "The sky is blue, just cause it is"

parhamreza, StumbleUpon 36 Comments [7/17/2008 1:40:55 AM]
Fundie Index: 1
Submitted By: Tom S. Fox

Quote# 42936

JohnLArmstrong : ... You do realize that biology has proven that man is a genetic variation on the female body, not the other way around, yes? ...

garfield1684:
Well, if you are asking me, then maybe you need to look up the information about the y chromosome. You belive in Science. I believe in Jesus Christ. See how far your y chromosome will get you on judgement day.

garfield1684, YouTube 29 Comments [7/17/2008 1:36:03 AM]
Fundie Index: 7
Submitted By: antichrist

Quote# 42994

There is a theory of Creationism. It can be found in Genesis. It's just as logical, if not more so, than the assumption that inorganic molecules managed to somehow live... replicate... and evolve into the most complex machines we've ever seen. (The human body.)

Have fun with all the "proof" you think evolution has. It's being debunked by science, not religion, year after year.

gabriel, Yahoo Answers 22 Comments [7/17/2008 1:33:07 AM]
Fundie Index: 1
Submitted By: eracerhead

Quote# 42981

[Adam and Eve had no concept of "obey or disobey." They knew no evil, and therefore their knowledge of "sin" was that it had to be just as nice as everything else. They had the same view of the serpent. Biblically, we now know we "sin" because we now have knowledge of good and evil.

Are you ever going to address the absurdity of a deity sacrificing himself to himself to rid himself of anger, or are you just going to keep repeating yourself and making me to do the same?]


Yes they did. Because God said "do not eat of.." the following trees, they knew not to eat of it. They also knew that if they ate from it they would be disobeying God. They had free will as much as us, but the same thing happened to them as us. Eve was tempted by Satan to eat off the tree God told her not to.

It's not absurdity. It's love.

samtorrance5590, YouTube 22 Comments [7/17/2008 1:12:28 AM]
Fundie Index: 4
Submitted By: Yahweh's Toaster

Quote# 42983

[Describing his view of the universe, and how Jesus is... water]

I readily admit that I'm not a scientist. I said that here, early on. What I'm doing is making comparisons between the Bible and things we are familiar with. I hope that others will be able to find sources of new information in the Bible.

For instance, you asked about physics. Jesus said "suffer the little children to come unto me". The traditional view is that children should be introduced to Christianity at an early age. I think that Jesus is really talking about electrons, which if they come to him, water, will result in chemical compounds.

Dalton

Dalton Joule, Amazon.com Science Forums 39 Comments [7/17/2008 12:58:08 AM]
Fundie Index: 8
Submitted By: Jim H

Quote# 42990

If adam and even didnt sin would people not be able to get fat?

(The Fundie's Response)

They wouldn't be able to get fat, it would be a perfect world.

Thomas A, Yahoo Answers 24 Comments [7/17/2008 12:45:13 AM]
Fundie Index: -3
Submitted By: FundieFinder